Industry Expert Proclaims: “Every Day Is A Great Day To Buy A New Car!”

By on February 11, 2018

Image result for ugly new car dealership

In a move that shocked nobody in particular, long-time industry expert and Edward Lowenbrau has given the green light for car buyers everywhere and admitted that you can truly find a great deal on a new car every single day of the year. Driving is usually quite an expensive mode of transport, but if you make sure you look in the right areas, you can find great deals on both vehicles and car insurance (although fuel is still going to set you back a fair bit!)

“Look, this is the real truth about buying any new car. Every single day offers a unique advantage to the shrewd car buyer!”

Mr. Lowenbrau then lowered his voice to a whisper and told me what he considers the industry’s gospel of new car buying.

“I learned this from fifth-generation car dealers Bo Gus Fee and Bud Light. Okay, in January it’s brutally cold and that means all the cars up North are covered in snow so nobody gets to see these cars when they’re driving off to work. While in the South, all the cars are covered in birdshit since all of our pigeons and woodpeckers fly off to the warmer climates during the winter.”

New and used cars at a Ford dealership in McLean, Virginia

“Since all the cars are hidden from new car buyers in snow country, and all the new cars are covered in birdshit down in Florida, this is a great time to buy a new car… unless you happen to be buying a white car in Florida since all the birdshit blends in with the paint. You won’t get a discount on a white car in January.”

Me: “Okay, what about February?”

Ed: “February is fantastic! Not only are cars still covered in snow and birdshit, but it’s the beginning of auto show season like this one in Chicago.

Image result for chicago auto show 2018

“All the local dealers not only have to spend more money on the auto shows, but they also provide additional incentives to new car buyers since they have to make up for all that increased spending.” Everyone loves a good deal, especially when it is for something as essential as a car. Pretty much everyone owns a car or another form of vehicle. If you can get a discount on it, why not take the offer? Plus, when you’ve purchased your new car, the addition of new custom bobbleheads will complement any new car. Trust me.

Me: “Wait, spending more money means greater discounts for new car buyers?”

Ed: “Exactly! If the car dealer has to spend more, that means he has to attract more buyers.”

Me: “But incentives for leftover models usually go away around February. Are you sure about that?”

Ed: “As sure as inflatable gorillas attract more customers. This brings me to March and April. Everybody’s busy with college basketball and when the weather clears up, that means more customers are searching for a new car. More sales mean greater opportunities for discounts.”

Image result for inflatable gorilla car dealership

Me: “Don’t people get tax refunds during that time? Doesn’t that drive up car prices?”

Ed: “Not for new cars. More buyers means that new car dealers can sell their cars for lower prices.”

Me: “Wait, didn’t you give me the opposite argument for January and February?”

Ed: “That’s right. Fewer buyers also means lower prices. More buyers, fewer buyers, it always results in lower prices in the end. Isn’t it amazing! That’s why you can also get a great deal during May and June too. Everybody has already spent their tax refunds and that means fewer buyers and that’s right, lower prices!”

Me: “Wait a second, that’s insane.”

Ed: “Not as insane as 4th of July weekend. Let me tell you, nothing helps lower the price of a new car better than fireworks, loud explosions, and American flags.”

Me: “What does that have to do with buying a new car?”

Image result for 4th of july car dealership

Ed: “Everything! People get excited! They buy! Buy! Buy!”

Me: “Oh brother, I’m leaving.”

Ed: “You’re going on vacation? That’s exactly why August is a great time to buy a new car too. Everyone is on vacation, and that means less competition and lower prices.”

Me: “Let me guess. Labor Day also means lower prices.”

Ed: “You got it! Dealers spend more money on advertising which makes them attract more customers. This allows them to sell their new cars for low prices. More expenses means lower prices.”

Ed: “Right. Okay, let me ask you since I think I know where you’re going with this. I suppose it’s also better to get a car during the end of the month?”

Ed: “100% correct! Car dealers have to hit their monthly sales targets.”

Me: “What about the beginning of the month?”

Ed: “Car dealers still have to hit their sales targets. The beginning of the month is a great time to buy a new car! So is the middle of the month and every third Wednesday.”

Me: “Okay, we’re done.”

Ed: “Look Steve, I’m teaching you about the business. By the way, when the kids head back to school, that means parents have more free time to shop for a new car. You get more new car shoppers out there, and that means you end up with lower prices since car dealers are always happy to offer an unbeatable discount any day of the year.”

Me: “Okay, I have to ask. Is there any time when you can’t get a good deal on a new car?”

Ed: “Yes, about 40% of the time you can’t get a good deal.”

Me: “Oh, really? Why is that?”

Ed: “The dealerships are closed.”

(End of interview.)

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