10 Ways To Stop Spending Money On Cars

By on December 24, 2017

1. Don’t Lease.
 
2. Really. I’m not kidding. Don’t lease a car.
 
3. I said don’t lease the God damn car. Am I gonna have to get Jersey on your ass?
 
4. Don’t give me a lecture about safety standards. The average driver gets in an accident every 18 years and a fatality occurs roughly once every 100 million miles traveled. You know what kills people? Cupcakes. No joke. Heart disease is eighteen times more deadly. So go eat an apple instead and don’t lease a car.
 
5. That car review you just read… is fiction. The guy writing it is paid to make cars out to be the embodiment of freedom. He won’t tell you that all you’re doing in the real world is listening to music, commuting, and going at the same artificially low rate of speed as the car in front of you. Is all that boredom really worth over $17,000 of savings during the next three years? I’m being nice. Don’t lease a car.
 
6. So you wanna blow your financial brains out?  Before you eat the bullet, check out how much it cost to even register a new car these days, and then tack on the jaw dropping insurance rates and the dealer’s bogus fees. Don’t lease the car. Stop bothering me if you’re not willing to take my advice.
 
7. What should you get instead? Do the math on what you already got first. Fix whatever needs to be fixed if the numbers make sense. If it’s looking a bit old, go buy some spray wax. The damn stuff is dirt cheap – pennies per squirt. Oh, wait. You’re still highly allergic to my ideas. Fine then. Leave me alone and go play in traffic.
 
8. So you ignored my advice, went to the dealership, and now you’re posting the new car of your dreams to all your friends on Instagram. Did you really want a Corolla that badly?  Sigh… go ahead and lease the car. I’m done with you.
 
9. You leased the car and want me to ‘like’ that picture of you with that rolling debt barnacle. Tough noogies! I would rather like this Yiddish Yodeler. At least she has money in her retirement fund.

 

10. It’s three years later, you now own nothing, and I just saw your car sell at a dealer auction at a hefty discount. You now want car advice? Okay, here it is. If Jesus was walking the Earth during this holiday season, he wouldn’t lease a new car. Only a pagan would do that.

 

Owners go far further in life than debtors. No matter what the pundits say leasing is a no-win situation for millions of consumers who are foolish enough to believe them.

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